Illusionaire

Want to be in a documentary? If you sold your soul for rock and/or roll, this is your chance! Bigger Than Jesus wants YOU to attend “The Bigger Than Jesus One-Night-Only Marathon Cattle Call Documentary Shoot.”
When: Wednesday, July 27th, 6 to 9 pm.
Where: During Barfly’s Jen Lane’s Dysfunctional Family Feud at the Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash St, Portland
More details available here in the production blog. Other random details available here at Rick Emerson’s web site.

Oregon is a great place to explore, and I want to see more than just the I-5 corridor and the coast, so when I heard about the unique dwellings for rent at this spot near Crater Lake, I wanted to stay there a night next month during our road trip.
7 clicks past the front page on a scenic, poetic, MIDI-laden tour of the retreat grounds, I finally reach information about the accomodations. Looks absolutely wonderful! I want to stay here! Where do I sign up? Five minutes of clicking in circles later, I finally find a page that explains the fee and reservations structure. Sort of.

Forward Regarding Rental Policy, Please Note: Don’t be “thrown” by misunderstandings or dissuaded by the rental policy’s unconventional approach after a cursory reading. Careful, comprehensive consideration will reveal the policy’s practicality, considerable cost advantages & flexibility. Thereafter, if still having difficulty understanding or you have questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us. See link below.

I read through it, and it sounds great for extended stays, but the policy was very fuzzy about single-night stays.

Considering?the unseen/untried character of vacation rentals via the internet and unforeseeable upon arrival and thereafter, although having reserved use for up to full-term with the arrival payment, if having tried a dwelling etc and dissatisfied or unable to continue your stay, or otherwise in need of departure we would refund approximately 1/3 the total amount paid for up to five nights without further obligation, cost or payment. For Example: Having stayed in a cabin with full amenities you will have paid for a stay of up to five nights $150, or for a ?treehouse? $95. Therefore even if having stayed considerably less then the five nights cost would still be low minimizing any possibility of being dissatisfied, especially when considering amenities, spacing/privacy, river frontage and free use of other facilities etc.
Otherwise: Having not exercised the above 5 night contingency 15 nights after arrival (or mid-term) the balance of rent would be collectable unless having vacated or payment waived. For Example: 15 nights after arrival you?d pay an additional $150 for the ?treehouse? or $244 for the cabin, thereby having paid full term (a month’s rent) in two equal payments ? ? upon arrival: $244, less 1/3 refunded if it turned out you didn’t continue your stay after the 5 night contingency or “trial/grace period,” & the balance with the mid-term payment ($244.) Although we are not in the transient category of a motel/hotel renting by the night etc. we feel ethically compelled to offer the above contingencies to alleviate the unforeseen, initial costs and possible misconceptions considering the untried nature of vacation rentals. For still further clarification and advantages continue reading while scrolling down then select specifics link for further elaboration and details regarding rates etc at bottom of page or select ?Contact Us? if having questions etc.

I read through everything I could find about their reservations policy, but there was nothing solid on how to rent a dwelling for a single night. Being a retreat, I can respect that they would encourage guests to stay longer to gain full appreciation of the site’s peacefulness, but nowhere on the site does it state that dwellings can not be rented for a single night. Since I still had questions, I emailed the contact address of this establishment.

Greetings and salutations,
We live in Portland and are travelling south on a road trip in mid-July. We are interested in staying in one of your unique structures for a night during our journey. The specific night would be Thursday, July 14th.
Can you let me know…
1. If there is a structure available that evening?
2. The amount of the deposit/pre-payment to be sent via PayPal?
We just need a place to unroll our sleeping bags for the night, and your retreat looks like a very relaxing spot.
Thanks in advance for your assistance!
Jenn

About an hour later I received the following reply, which made me wonder if he had read my email.

Hello Jenn,
Please read the following in order to understand our rental policy better.
[9 paragraph, 505 word rental policy I already read on the Internet]
Please contact me if having any further questions. I would be glad to lend further clarification and be as flexible as possible within the parameters we are able to operate within. You may also consider re-viewing the rental policy regarding its considerable cost advantages etc, for though it?s easy to be dissuaded by its unconventional approach after a cursory reading, careful, comprehensive consideration should reveal the policy’s flexible practicality.
Rates & Polices Regarding Other Rental Categories :
Secluded Unusual Dwellings:
For Example: For single occupancy net cost would be $75 if having stay only 3 nights. Double: $95 or $20 more per additional occupant i.e. for a single prior to occupation you will have paid $95 for a stay of up to 3 nights. Breakdown of net cost per night having not continued full-term and having stayed only 3 nights: Single $25, Double: $32. 5 nights: Single $22, Double: $30
[Another 3 paragraphs, 187 words of information about cabins, cottages, and lodges]
Sincerely,
Brad

Hmmm… this did not shed any additional light on whether a dwelling was rentable for a single night, and if so, how much it would cost. Their FAQ wasn’t much help, either. Started to seem to me that this place was so flexible as to be inflexible. A bit frustrating because I want to stay here, I’m willing to pay cash in advance, and I will abide by all of their regulations regarding no smoking, partying, or open campfires. All I want is a quiet, unique, off the beaten path place to stay while we’re travelling.
I decided to shoot for the ultra-direct approach.

Brad,
I understand that your policies are a bit unconventional due to the unique nature of your retreat. That is made very clear on your website, and the policies are well written for persons interested in extended and flexible lengths of stay. However, we are only interested in staying for one night.
In order to stay only 1 night in a secluded unusual dwelling, would $32 be the appropriate deposit to submit via PayPal? Or would we be required to submit a deposit for three days? Are any of these dwellings available on July 14, 2005?
If we are unable to rent one of the dwellings for a single night, please let us know.
Thank you,
Jenn

I haven’t gotten a response back from him yet, and I’m starting to think that direct answers are a lot to ask for. A bit bummed because I would really like to stay in one of these dwellings, but I am getting the feeling that it’s just not going to happen. They have a page on, “Would Your Stay Be Compatible With the Nature of the Retreat?” and I think they might consider a single night’s stay while travelling through the area to be a “more common superficial pursuit.”
If that’s the case, I wish them the best of luck with their vision, and I’ll find somewhere else to spend the night (and my vacation budget!)

Dennis Nyback is fabulous when it comes to creating film festivals for scintillating subjects you never thought anyone would create a festival for. Bad Bugs Bunny? Stag films? My point exactly.
This looks like a hell of a lot of fun, and it runs through tomorrow night. Don your finest set of garters and negligee, then head to the theatre!

** OOH LA LA: A HISTORY OF LINGERIE **
Clinton Street Theatre
2522 SE Clinton St., Portland, OR
Events phone – 503.238.8899
March 18th – 22nd – 7pm and 9pm
Admission – $6 : Tuesday – $4
DENNIS NYBACK RETURNS WITH A RETROSPECTIVE ON WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR!
The invention of motion pictures at the turn of the twentieth century made it possible for us to view the twentieth century like no previous time. With film we can obverse so much, and what can be more fun than looking at women in their undies! How educational and entertaining it is to see just what was worn beneath coats and dresses of previous eras. Men can be men and women can look for fashion tips. The program is more or less chronological beginning in 1915 with rare footage of two women disrobing, and disrobing, and disrobing through layers of undergarments which include corsets. From the twenties we have the charming tale Why Girls Walk Home which exposes more vintage underwear. From the 1930’s we have the great musical number Dames, from the movie of the same name, dozens of women getting out of bed, dressing, and marching off to work, all to a very snappy musical soundtrack. We forge forward into the forties with How to Undress In Front of Your Husband, A Model Must Please, and How To Hold Your Husband. There will also be the naughty Soundies (Think of them as stone age rock videos) including What The Blushing Bride Wore, Georgie Porgie and The Man That Comes Around. From the fifties we have the greatest strip act ever filmed, Dixie Evans in How To Get to Hollywood. We also see what a girl has to do to thumb a ride after her car breaks down and showing a bare thumb doesn’t get results. Snappy films, snappy music, and a lot of fun for the curious one.

Unsure if the show is at 9pm or 10pm, but the amazing Storm is returning to her Wednesday night slot at Dante’s Inferno with The Balls on October 6th. Cover is only $5 — You could drop much more than that at a strip club and it wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining. Where else will you find a singer who rubs ice cubes over intimate parts of her body before throwing them at the bachelor party in the balcony? Who else can blend ABBA and Iron Butterfly with such ease?
Take the “I Want You To Want Me” Challenge: Bring your lover and see if you can manage to stay for the whole show. Many have tried and failed, as the show is so hot that many couples leave during intermission to go home and get it on. (Some don’t make it any further than the bathrooms or their car.) If you’re attending as a single, this is a great way to see who else is available. If they’re still there at the end of the night, they are fair game and may be more than willing to entertain a proposition from you. Try it and see!
Dante’s Inferno
9pm/10pm
Wednesday, Oct. 6
1 SW 3rd Avenue

On my walk this morning, I encountered a family living out of their car in the parking lot next to my building. Two kids were bundled up in the back seat sound asleep, and their dad was sitting on the passenger side with the door open. The sun was just coming up, and the glow from the cabin light gave the car an ethereal look. Dad had his head in his hands, fingers massaging his forehead and worrying his hair. As I passed, he looked up, but did not look me in the eye. His eyes had a look of utter defeat in them, and I felt horrifically guilty to be on my way to the hamster wheel at the gym while this man was so pre-occupied with how to take care of his family.
It did give me an idea, though.
I thought about the two guys running around the country attending fundraising dinners, spewing a lot of hot air, throwing insults at each other, and bickering over a piece of metal earned several wars ago. How counter-productive is that? I would love to see just a fraction of the money raised for campaigning be put to better use, or to give the candidates a closer look at the country they claim to represent.
Each candidate must spend 90 days out of the media spotlight in a fashion similar to the Witness Relocation Program. They can not be accompanied by anyone in their entourage. Instead, they will each be shadowed by an independent bodyguard and documentarian. The candidate will not be allowed to interact directly with the bodyguard or documentarian, and will not be allowed to reveal their true identity. For each assignment, the candidate will be provided with the proper clothing, resources, and finances.

Assignment 1 (30 days)
Work a middle-class job in Suburban America to support a wife and 2 children. Balance a real household budget! Figure out how to cope when the family’s only car is destroyed by a hit-and-run driver while parked on the street outside your home. Look at your options when your company announces that your position is one of hundreds that will be outsourced to India. Attend a job-fair with real Americans! Entertain offers of minimum-wage jobs that could never cover basic expenses!
Assignment 2 (30 days)
Live on the streets in Urban America! Stay in a bed in a local shelter. Make new friends in Dignity Village. Seek health care for a persistent cough and fever. Look for affordable housing and decent wages.
Assignment 3 (30 days)
All basic needs are covered, but the candidate is not allowed to spend a penny on themselves. Candidate is given a large sum of money with the instructions to distribute it in a way that provides the most social good according to their beliefs. Candidate is also required to work a minimum of 40 hours a week with the non-profit of their choice.

At the end of the 90 days, the documentarian will release a complete report of the candidate’s activities, and the candidate can return to traditional election circulation.