Illusionaire

Have you ever had difficulty getting co-workers to read important documentation you’ve written? It’s all about incentive.

“I’ve written a 75+ page procedures manual, but I may have missed a few items. I need everyone on your team to read it independently and get it back to me with comments and suggestions by Wednesday of next week. If I don’t hear back from you with specific suggestions, we will go over it LINE BY LINE at the next team meeting.”

Ouch! That threat made me sit up and listen. My meetings are long enough as it is.

“We need to start having eternal… err, internal meetings to discuss this project.”

You need specialized training in order to fill out an online application. Such a shame this company isn’t hiring usability specialists — they could use a team of them!!!

PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING. Please complete both the Personal Details and the Qualifications pages. You will need to use the links to the left of your screen to move from the Personal Details page to the Qualifications page. Before moving on to the next page be sure to click on the OK Button at the bottom of each page to save your information. Whenever you see the “Up Arrow” icon you must click on the “Up Arrow” icon, select GO on the next page and a list of values will appear. Locate your information and click on it. DO NOT type any information in those fields. If you type information in those fields your data will be lost. Never use the browser Back Button. This will cause an error and you will lose your information. You will need to logout and then log back in. Instead use the links on the left side of the page, the Blue Tabs at the top of the page or the buttons at the bottom of the page for navigation. You will have an opportunity to update your information at any time. Dates are to be entered in the following format 01-Jan-2003 or you may use the attached calendar to pick your date.

Was this intelligible to anyone else? This is what happens when you let the programmers write the copy to go with their pages, and you let them build a system that works but isn’t terribly easy to use. Good grief.

• If you’re calling through the front desk, be Clear, Brief, and Specific about why you’re calling. Reception does not need to hear your life story. For that matter, the recruiter probably doesn’t need to hear it either.
• If you’re calling about a position listed in the paper, don’t just say, “I’m calling about the ad in the paper.” Specify which ad because there are an awful lot of ads in the paper.
• Handwritten resumes are not recommended.
• Emailing your resume part 1: Don’t name it resume.doc unless you want it to get lost in the shuffle. Try something like yourname.doc instead.
• Emailing your resume part 2: Don’t zip it.
• Emailing your resume part 3: Unless told otherwise, the subject line should be the position you are applying for.
• Emailing your resume part 4: If you don’t specify the job in the subject line, specify it in the body of the email.
• Emailing your resume part 5: Don’t just email your resume as an attachment with no subject line or body.
• Emailing your resume part 6: Don’t send your Word-formatted resume as the body of the email. You have no idea what mail program they are using on the other end. Simple text is best.
• Emailing your resume part 7: Virus-scan your resume before it is sent. Make sure your antivirus software is up to date before you scan.
• If you use a word processing program, remember to use spellcheck, too!
• DON’T TYPE ANYTHING IN ALL CAPS
• Be specific in your cover letter about what type of position you are looking for. Only stating that you are a hard worker does not help us to find your dream job.
• In one industry the agency was hiring for, there was one position available for every hundred applicants that came in. The positions in this industry paid an average of $10/hr.
• At least a third of the applicants that came in had no idea how to fill out a W-4 form for tax witholding correctly.
• Half of the applicants could not follow the simple instructions for the skill assessment sheets.
• The education level of a majority of the applicants ranged from some high school to some community college or technical school.

I had a really positive phone interview with a principal from a small tech company today. We clicked as much as was possible over the phone, sharing similar opinions on things like brochureware and the uselessness of Flash for a majority of small businesses.

I got the interview because I submitted my resume through Monster, and he waded through over two hundred submissions to get to mine. Only about 30 were not tossed out immediately, and he’s going to narrow it down further over the next week. It depends on how things go with the other candidates, but it looks like I’m in the pool invited for an in-person interview next week.

I asked him about the types of resumes he immediately threw out, and this is what he reported:

• A resume written entirely in Italian
• Any resumes from India or other places outside the US (and there were a lot)
• Resumes with no relevant experience
• Engineers with no design experience
• A 35 page resume complete with a table of contents

I was completely blown away by the idea of a 35 page resume. Not a curriculum vitae – a resume. Makes me wonder if that person was ever invited for an interview anywhere. Remember guys, tell ‘em what they need to know, not your life story.

If I could change just *one* thing about the world, then people who need to read their email to stay in touch with what is going on, be it at home or at work, would ACTUALLY READ THEIR EMAIL! And save them if they contained important information! And there wouldn’t be any people like a former boss of mine who would automatically print out the email, read it on paper, and then thrown it in the recycle bin. What a waste, huh? Think about how many trees had to die for that cause.
I wonder if when the telephone first started to make its way into the business world, if CEOs and company presidents had to be convinced that they needed to pick up the phone when it rang for them.

Boss: “Miss Smith! I was supposed to talk with the head of the sales department department today! Why isn’t he here in my office to talk to me?”
Miss Smith: “Sir, the head of sales is out of town today visiting a client, and he was going to call you.”
Boss: “Call me? What in heaven’s name do you mean by that?”
Miss Smith: “Did you hear a bell ringing in your office a few minutes ago?”
Boss: “Yes. It came from that black device someone put on my desk a few days ago.”
Miss Smith: “That is a telephone, sir. It allows you to talk with people even when they are not in the same room as you. When it rings, you’re supposed to pick up the receiver, and that allows you to hear and speak to someone.”
Boss: “That’s incredible! But it’s so much work… I want people to show up in my office if they wish to speak with me. These phone things are just a bit too new-fangled for my tastes.”
Miss Smith: “But sir, all the executives at the other companies use these to communicate. You won’t be able to communicate with them unless you learn to use a phone.”
Boss: “Bah! Phone-shmone! If they want to talk to me, they just have to do things the old fashioned way – in person!”